Welcome To The Page Of Allan's Random Funny Shit
Why I fired
my Secretary.
Last week was
my birthday
and I didn't feel
very well waking up on that
morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife
would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!'
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned
out, she barely said
good morning, let
alone 'Happy
Birthday.'
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for
you, but the
kids... They will
remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to
breakfast and didn't say a
word. So when I left for
the office, I felt pretty
low and somewhat
despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane
said,
'Good Morning Boss and by the
way Happy
Birthday!' It felt a little
better that at least
someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked
on my door and said, 'You
know, it's such a
beautiful day outside and it is your
birthday, what do you say we
go out to lunch, just you and
me.' I said, 'Thanks,
Jane, that's the greatest
thing I've heard all
day. Let's
go!'
We went to lunch. But we didn't
go where we normally
would go. She chose instead
at a quiet bistro with a private
table. We had two martinis
each and I enjoyed the
meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You
know,
It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go
straight back to the office, Do We?'
I
responded, 'I guess
not. What do you have in
mind?' She
said, 'Let's drop by my
apartment; it's just around
the corner.'
After arriving at
her apartment, Jane turned to me
and said, 'Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step
into the bedroom for just a
moment. I'll be right
back.'
'Ok.' I nervously
replied.
She went into the
bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came
out carrying a huge
birthday cake .... followed by my
wife, my
kids and dozens of my
friends and
co-workers, all singing 'Happy
Birthday'.
And I just sat
there...
On the couch...
Naked.
|
A Glasgow man walks into a bank
in Glasgow and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is
going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Glasgow lad hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the Log Book and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Glaswegian for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Glaswegian returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "£5,000" ? The Glaswegian
replies:
"Where else in Glasgow can I
park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I
return'"
Ah, the mind of the Scot.... This is why we survive |